Enlighten this

If you read self-help books (which I don't, and if you need someone else's book in order to self-help, isn't that kind of cheating?) there's often something about trying to be in the moment, which is another way of stating the old mystical concept of enlightenment. Enlightenment sounds mystical and tough to achieve, and I suppose it can be if you set the bar too high (but if you tend to set the bar too high for yourself, that's probably why you need a self-help book in the first place). Achieving enlightenment is like a lot of things, if you try to take it all on at once, it's daunting. Take on a piece at a time, however, and it can be manageable.

One aspect of being in the moment is what they call mindful awareness. That also sounds kind of spooky, but all it really means is paying attention, to what you see, to what you hear, and what you feel. These are all essential skills for living a full life, and each deserves its own consideration, which consideration I will give them over the next few days or weeks. What I want to start on is listening.

How many times have you talked to someone and feel like they're not listening? Happens way too often, doesn't it? People often confuse hearing with listening, especially since nobody ever adequately explains the difference. There is probably no more important aspect to human relationships than listening. Listening is one person's way of connecting to another in the deepest possible way, by trying to truly understand what somebody is thinking and feeling when they say something.

Listening is simply hearing plus paying attention. But just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy. Really listening to someone else talking to you is actually quite difficult, because it requires your processing what that person has to say without injecting your own opinions, prejudices, or extraneous thoughts. Think about conversations you've had with people recently. Were you really listening to them? Were you totally focused on what the other peson was saying and therefore understanding both why they were saying what they did and what they meant? Or were you hearing words and getting their basic meaning while you thought about what you wanted to say or do next? One of the first things I had to learn as a teacher was how to momentarily ditch my lesson plan, to forget about what I wanted to say and really listen to students' questions. In personal conversations it's much harder and even more important.

I have more to say on this, but I think I want to backtrack a bit and expand on what it means to pay attention first, so to be continued.