It's depressing to think how my recovery has taken so long that I can think of it in stages, but since all the world's a stage, I guess I can deal.
I have reached the stage formally designated at Screw This (this is one of the seven stages of recovery and an important part of any 12-step program). In my case, that means I'm getting off my medication and damn the consequences. I have no idea whether I even need some of the stuff I've been doing/taking, so I'm in the process of chucking it all.
I don't recommend this in all cases- it's probably a bad idea for cancer and heart patients- but I'm at a point where I seem to have 2 symptoms and that's it. The pain part I think I can manage and again, I have no idea that the prescription stuff helps anyway. I do know that the medication has potential side effects, and I'm more concerned with that than the pain. I would, for example, be able to have more than one glass of wine if the situation calls for it, and truly, what situation doesn't? If it wouldn't benefit from a nice glass of wine, it's not much of a situation.
Seriously, though, the most troublesome things at this point are my memory lapses. These could be caused by (1) aftereffects of the shingles, (2) medication side effects, (3) getting older, and (4) an overestimation of how good my memory was in the first place. Medication cannot help with any of these things and might even be prolonging the problem, so why bother? This will be different, and as Phil Connors would say, anything different is better.
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