I am scared sh-tless. I have now had, for the first time since, get this, September 9, two relatively pain-free days in a row. And so I am now planning, to the extent I can plan anything at this point, to visit school for a little while tomorrow, and to return to teaching next week.
It's hard to sum up how weird this feels. It's not like at the end of summer, when everyone's returning. This is the 8th week of school and I haven't been there since the first fragmentary piece. Everyone else is already settled in and into a routine. The best way I can express it is to say that I feel like a ghost. Or more trendily, a zombie. Either way, I'm definitely not exactly the same person I was at the end of the summer, when I arrived at school happy, fit and ready to go. Now I'm sluggish and kind of mindless. After this long a period where I couldn't concentrate, my brain has atrophied. Not permanently, mind you, but I'm not going to be on top of my game for a little while.
Hence the visit. I'm just hoping I don't suddenly take a step backward tomorrow. That's happened to me twice before when I was planning a return, so I'm nervous. But this thing is supposed to go away after a while, so I guess I should be at least a little bit more optimistic. It's a big deal for me, so wish me luck!
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