You must remember this

Like many things I sound very sure about, I have no proof for the following statement, but my guess is that people in general don't like to see themselves as memories. We tend to think of ourselves as corporeal and the center of our own particular universe. Having had more than one opportunity recently to ponder the ending and ultimate meaning of things, however, I've tempered my own view of this sort of thing.

I've been thinking about what constitutes happy endings. I think that in most scenarios, a happy ending can be made up of mostly if not entirely memories. For any individual life, for example, that's what there is in the end. My uncle now consists for me and everyone else entirely of memories, and I am more than okay with that thought. It's like a line from The Phantom Tollbooth (of course) "if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones."

This may sound morbid when you're talking about people who've passed away, but that's just because we choose to view death as morbid, which is something that's cultural. Death is just death. My uncle lived across the continent from me, and even when I was spending the most time with him, it was only 2-3 weeks out of a year. He remains just as real to me as he was for almost my entire waking life, and not just because I was holding his hand a week ago.

As a teacher, I should point out, memories are what I peddle in. If I do my job really well, in the end I will have a lasting relationship with my students based (almost always) entirely on memories. I (we) spend much of our time trying to explain things in a way that will stick, because what is learning really but a meaningful set of memories?

Of course there are experiences involved in learning as well, but even those will ultimately be all in the past. And that's a good thing. You can't add your presence to everything you've ever taught or everything you've ever done or everyone you've ever known, all at the same time. I'm as good at spreading myself around as anyone, but much as I hate to, sometimes I have to put limits on myself or risk exhaustion. Anyone who's been around me recently can understand why this is on my mind these days.

We try to peddle meaningful memories as parents and friends and mentors and any kind of nurturing relationship. Whether you're talking about death or life, ultimately there's a time to let go and let that relationship become a memory. Hopefully it's one of the meaningful kind. So lately when I think of loss and ending, I try to keep this in mind and not get sad or upset about it. It's just the way things go, and go they will.

Oh, and I apologize for the cheesy title.