What happened to me?

Notice how different the sense of that title is just from my putting a question mark at the end. But that's the sense I'm looking for.

Here's what I don't understand. I'm part of this group that's supposed to help out with all the new computer systems that we all should have been trained on before it was introduced. So since we haven't all been trained, there are a bunch of us more tech-savvy (is there possibly a more attractive term for this? I hate ______-savvy people) teachers who are supposed to help the others.

Since none of us have been trained, we all have these pockets of things we've learned. So tomorrow we have a meeting where we're supposed to make small groups and help them. When asked to choose which group we wanted to lead, everyone else went for things they were good at. I went for things I am not good at, just give me advance notice and I'll figure it out.

Yes yes, I'm contrarian, but that's not the point. When did I become not lazy and disengaged? Notice how the sense of that line is not changed the question mark. I've been less lazy as I've gotten older, partly because my energy level is weirdly higher and partly because of fear of impending death. But when did I get engaged like this?

Ultimately I think it comes down to my feelings about the students and my colleagues. I guess it's not surprising that this somehow leaks over into feelings about the so-called institution. In a way, I'm disappointed because I have a general dislike of institutions of all kinds, but ultimately it's okay.