Well...How did I get here?

It's been 2 weeks since we came back from the hospital. And just back at work, which seems strange and exciting and a little bit nervy. It feels to me like there's a big difference between having been gone for three weeks and instead of being on for four.

As it turns out, the timing was pretty fortuitous, because we were approaching a tipping point between my being helpful and my being in the way. It's stressful not knowing how much to help. My nature is to always step in, but in many cases that's completely wrong in this instance.

Looking back on this experience as a whole, the hardest part was clearly the first week or so, when I needed to be present almost all the time, while at the same time not really having anybody to talk to. I guess that was lonely. I'm not sure I identified it as such all the time, though I did think about it a bit. 

Towards the end, we went to a period of apprehensiveness about getting home and what that would be like. It made the last day or two in the hospital kind of exciting and kind of scary. And fact when we got home it was very difficult at first. Everything seemed a challenge, and I mean everything in the realm of ADLs, as physical therapists call them (stands for Activities of Daily Living).

It's actually worth a moment or more of thought to think about how miraculous it is that we are able to do everything we do and to be grateful. So many things have to work together to make our daily lives happen. You don't really notice them until you can't. I remember when I broke my hand, seeing how many things I did that required using my full right hand. My pinky and ring fingers were immobilized with a splint because they were attached to the broken bone, which had 2 pins holding it together (looked kind of like really long push pins). I had 3 fingers going, but gripping things hurt and I wasn't supposed to do anything that would, as they say, insult it. Then, when they removed the pins, I couldn't close my hand. Anyway, I stopped taking basic ADLs for granted.

But healing happens, both on its own and with help, and we've been approaching the tipping point where the help may no longer be helpful. So back to work it is.

Reflecting, I think whatever advice I have for people is pretty limited. I think the two things that helped me the most for mindfulness and fitness.

I never lost track of where I was and what I was doing. As long as I knew that, everything seemed to be in place. The other thing was the objective value of being fit, because at my semi advanced age, I definitely found myself pleasantly surprised with my stamina. That I was able to essentially do two weeks of 16 hour days without any break to speak of in kind of amazing looking back at it. But that was what I was there for. 

During that time I never felt myself missing what I usually did or even being home. My mind was just on what I was doing. Once I got home, I start thinking about my usual life this time of year, and how much I missed it at times.

Now back at school it seems both completely right and completely disorienting. We'll see how it goes from there.