Simple answers

to simple questions.

Is Christmas overcommericalized?

No, it's everything else that's overcommercialized.

Christmas has been very commercial for a very long time, but it's taken a while for the rest of the year to catch up. But now, fortunately, every day is a sell-a-thon.

Disappointing

I just cleaned my car in preparation for the long drive to grandma's house. I don't clean my car very often, so when I do I like to approach it like an archaeological dig, looking for clues about the past. This time, however, it was devoid of interest. Just 16 partially to completely empty beverage bottle, 2 umbrellas, a few receipts and a bunch of Jelly Belly's. What does this say about my life?

Advertisingese

One of the things I learned early into an advertising career was to avoid the idea or phrase "The best just got better." Clients love this message and always insist that it's a good message because it's true (and in some cases it is). But as you all know, the truth is not the point of advertising. The point of advertising is to motivate people to do something. And I'm sorry, but "the best just got better" is not a motivating statement- it's a boast. To be motivating, it requires the customer to first agree that your product is the best and people rarely think about things that way. Just like "new and improved" is a dangerous message because it might make people think, "What was wrong with the original stuff that they had to improve it?"

What made me think of this was an ad by Comcast for some kind of sound and light show at their headquarters in today's Inquirer, which manages to jam two bad cliches into the same ad. The headline says "The most wonderful time of the year just got more wonderful." So song lyrics aside, how many of you really think this is the most wonderful time of the year? So if you don't think this is the most wonderful time of the year, the ad's lost you already. And if you do think it's wonderful, are you really longing to make it wonderfuller?

So now let's move on to "a New Philadelphia Holiday Tradition." Of the traditions you know, how many of them are new? Well, none of course, because there's no such thing. If it's new, it's not a tradition. All it's missing is "fun for the whole family." And don't get me started on the picture of the girl looking up in wonderment.

Recipe Time

Even the most hard core political blogs have recipes these days, so here's mine. These pancakes are loved by all and have double the eggs and non-fat dried milk to up the protein and calcium.

Frank's Good and Good-for-you Pancakes (makes 6-8 pancakes)

Preheat a frying pan or (better) a griddle on medium-low heat

Mix in a bowl:

2/3 cup unbleached flour (feel free to make some of this whole wheat)
1 1/2 tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 cup non-fat dried milk

In another bowl (I actually use a measuring cup) mix:

2 eggs
1/2 cup of milk (works fine with lowfat or fortified skim)
1 1/2 tbsp vegetable oil

Pour liquid ingredients into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix until the the dry stuff is moistened- the less mixing, the more tender the pancake.

Brush butter onto griddle, which should be just hot enough to make the butter sizzle.
Ladle out pancakes. It should take about 3 minutes for the first side and 2 minutes for the second. These pancakes have a nice golden color because of the extra egg, and they're best when they're cooked to light brown. Feel free to add some bits of fruit or nuts to the pancakes (I do this after they're on the griddle).

Enjoy!

Second Annual Doorbuster Survey

As a public service, here is my tally of the opening times of local stores

9am or no specified time 8

8am 1

7am 5

6am 14

5am 12

4am 3

This is a significant increase in both the number of stores advertising and way more stores opening 6am or earlier.

Exciting Evening

When I lived in New York, one of my annual pleasures was to go to Macy's at Herald Square mid-evening on December 24th and sit up in the Mezzanine and watch the last-minute shoppers scrambling around. I feel a little like that as I venture off to the supermarket the night before Thanksgiving. We don't do turkey for Thanksgiving, since none of us actually likes turkey which makes the whole thing counterintuitive. We have something we all actually like, which is breakfast for dinner. So I need to get some eggs and buttermilk and maybe a challah for french toast. And I have to admit that since I only need a couple of things, that I was trying to figure out when the absolute worst time would be. I'm guessing it was around 6 and I missed it, but I'm going to give it a try now. I'll report back if there's anything interesting to say.

Kind of Sad

With one sort-of exception I've never been back to any of my old schools.

Thanksgiving (A self-indulgent blogathon, updated throughout the weekend) Last update 11/27 at 5PM

I'm not a big fan of designating a day to stop and express thanks and list off things that one is thankful for. I am, however, a big believer in doing that on a regular basis.

I've probably rambled on about this before, but in my youthful effort to "find myself," one of the things I discovered is that (1) my immediate response is always to take something at face value, before I start to attach meaning, motivation, or anything else to it, and (2) most people don't do that. I'm not saying one is better than another, it's not like I'm doing it on purpose. It's just the way my brain works and it's something that makes me different. This has many ramifications, not the least of which is my sense of humor, which is very much based on my taking things as they're said as opposed to what they mean.

Another result is that because I have to stop and think about everything, (including, to give a small but absolutely true example, what is the proper response when I pass someone I know and they say "Hi" to me?) that I actually think about everything. I don't recommend this taken to my peculiar extreme; it's exhausting, but it does have the advantage that I never take anything for granted and am therefore thankful for the gifts that life brings me on an almost continual basis. What I would recommend to people is that they at least every once in a while (and once in a while doesn't mean every 4th Thursday in November) stop and think about what happened to you today. There's nothing profound about this and you don't actually have to do anything, but I think if you stop and review your day you'll find many things to be thankful for, even on the worst of days.

So as the weekend progresses, I'll start listing stuff I'm thankful for, in no particular order.

Potato chips (I told you it was in no particular order)
baseball
tape
snow
The Beatles
word processing
comfortable clothes
trash removal
The Coopermarket
flashlights
Monty Python

I'm thankful for Tofurkey. Not that I want Tofurkey, but it's nice to know that if I wanted something turkey-like that wasn't turkey, that I'd have that option.

I'm thankful for the death of the sitcom.

Environmentalismism

I always keep in mind the wise words of the late George Carlin, who noted that the earth was here before we came and will be here after we're gone. What we want isn't to save the earth, it's to save us.

Black Monday

Anybody have a sense that Black Friday is going to be even more insane than usual this year?

I think I'm going to get myself settled outside Walmart right now.

Why our minds are mush

I was in the supermarket today buying bread and I counted, in the bread aisle alone, 81 different kinds of bread. You know bread? Flour, water, yeast, knead, bake. That stuff. 81 choices. This doesn't include the fresh bakery counter, english muffins, wraps, rolls, and other bread related items. There were 17 different whole wheat bread packages.

My hypothesis is that this is way too stressful for people. Back in the day it was fight or flight, or maybe grow something instead of hunting. Now, unless you're an experienced shopper, you can't even figure out what to buy. You know the fortified skim milk? The kind that's "fat free, but tastes like 2%"? There are now more kinds of that than there are regular skim milk. We may think we want this kind of choice, but we certainly don't need (or even knead) it, which makes me think that it's unsustainable.

Simple explanations

Why does the squeeky wheel get the grease? Because squeeky wheels are annoying, that's why.

The application of this concept to real life is that when you are living or working in an group, the best way to make your life easier to is pinpoint the people who can make the most trouble for you and make sure that you keep them happy. This is sometimes easier said than done, but it's a good exercise to at least know where potential problems lie.

Another sign that the end of the world is near

Brown rice Rice Krispie Treats.

Senior Moment

I'm not really old enough to get senior discounts yet, but I do take senior vitamins, which have the advantage of not coming with a childproof top.

Records Day

Today is called "records day," which is when you're supposed to be writing report cards. I am celebrating it by listening to records. We still have a large collection of vinyl albums which we listen to occasionally and I am availing myself of them today. My first choice is Closing Time by Tom Waits, one of our all-time favorites. It's funny to have to get up every 20 minutes and flip the album, but it also brings back memories of great album sides, a unit of music that has disappeared from consciousness. The second side of the Beatles' Abbey Road is the gold standard, but don't diss the other greats, including the second sides of Who's Next, Steely Dan's Countdown to Ecstacy, Talking Heads' More Songs About Buildings and Food and Elvis Costello's This Year's Model or the first side of Paul Simon's There Goes Rhymin Simon. Of course this is all older stuff, 'cause they just don't make 'em like they used to.

Light blogging of late

The blog is seeming like too much responsibility this week. I did have an interesting school experience I'll recount at some point in the next couple of days when I ought to be writing my report cards instead.

The Beast is Released

The new toaster oven broiler is now online, the plastic bags have been disposed of safely, the cord is not dangling and I'm keeping it as far from the oven as possible. I've used the oven part of it successfully, but I have not yet tried to simultaneously cook and dry bread.

Crowd Control

I was kind of blown away to hear that there would be over 1 million people in Washington for Obama's inaugural, and then I remembered that's about half as many as came to the Phillies parade.

Needless Complexity, Part 3.2.11 (updated)

One of the things parents tell kids is that they don't have to worry about the big stuff, that the adults take care of that. This may be true, but it doesn't mean that adults don't have to deal with the small stuff too. In fact, most of what any adult deals with is small and even tiny. But that doesn't make it unimportant or boring.

For example, we got a new toaster oven. The old one had a door that kept separating from its hinge, so we gave up on it. So as part of my mission to document the mundaneness of being an "adult," I will take you though the as yet uncompleted process of incorporating this device into our lives.

The box warns that for my continued enjoyment I should read the instructions and I'm in this for the long haul, so I'll commit to the instruction book. The instruction book is wrapped in a plastic bag that warns me of all sorts of horrible consequences should I misuse or allow others to misuse the bag. The instructions then, after an opening paragraphs that tell me, among other things, that I am about to experience the ultimate in countertop cooking convenience, provides me with a list of 24 IMPORTANT SAFEGUARDS. The warning labels for appliances have been pretty much completely mined by stand-up comics, so after noting that they begin with the traditional: 1. Read all instructions, I'll skip to the important ones.

9. Do not let cord hang over the edge of the table or countertop where it could be pulled on inadvertently by children or pets...(and by extension, do not dangle unit out of the window where it could be dropped inadvertently onto the heads of passersby).

10. Do not place toaster oven broiler on or near a hot gas or electric burner or in a heated oven (emphasis mine). As I usually do when I don't understand things, I asked my 17 year-old daughter why someone might put a toaster oven in a heated oven and she replied simply, "Maybe to make things cook faster." and I have nothing to add to that.

11. Do not use this toaster oven broiler for anything other than its intended purpose. This is good advice for almost anything, but I thought I was buying a toaster oven and I've learned by reading the safeguards that there's a yet a third purpose for this device that I had not intended. This worries me. I'd better keep reading.

There's a long introduction, which extols the device's toasting prowess, promised by its "Perfect Timing Touchpad Control." Okay then, this reminds me of when I asked a car salesman how the hybrid car got such good mileage and he said enthusiastically in a thick Scottish accent, "Technology!"

The section notes that if you want to toast bagels or English muffins, to just press the "Bagel" button and "the toaster will add the extra time needed for these baked favorites." I just want to note for the record that English muffins are not baked. That's why you never eat them without toasting them. English muffins are made by letting the dough rise 3 times and then browning them on a griddle (on corn meal, the stuff that gets all over the counter).

I barely have the energy to read the rest of the instructions, much less report on them, so I'll just hit a couple of highlights.

The manual helpfully notes that toasting is a combination of cooking and drying bread.

Users are advised that, when toasting raisin or other fruit breads to remove loose fruit from the surface of the bread, because that will help prevent pieces from falling onto the crumb tray.

The "Perfect Timing Touchpad Control" has a total of 70 toasting permutations, including first defrosting bread, then toasting it to 7 different levels of doneness.

There are a several recipes in the back, the most alarming of which is Dijon Glazed Swordfish. Does anybody cook real food in a toaster oven? Or even a toaster oven broiler? There are instructions in here for roasting a chicken. Does a chicken even fit in a toaster oven? The most sophisticated thing I cook in a toaster oven is Tater Tots.

I'll report back on the toaster oven broiler itself once I've removed it from the box.

Head Scratching

I don't even know what to think about this.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27704926/

I guess it's interesting, like you'd describe food as tasting interesting.

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Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch...

I don't like to wish anybody ill, but I'm not shedding any tears for Circuit City. Their management deserves whatever difficulties they encounter (as do the heads of General Motors). I haven't shopped at Circuit City since last year, when they laid off over 3,000 of their most experienced customer service workers and replaced them with cheaper, inexperienced workers. Heckuva way to treat your employees, eh? Anyone need a reminder of why labor unions are a good thing? Oddly enough, customers didn't respond well to less competence and they lost business to Best Buy and others. Maybe they'll recover but I wouldn't bet on it.

Pharn it!

My radio was hijacked today. Not stolen, mind you, but I have XM Satellite Radio in my car. I find today that many of the channels have either changed position or name or format or all 3. It's because XM merged with Sirius Satellite Radio and they've finally combined their lineups. Sirius has some good stuff, but they also have the annoying habit of calling their channels things like "Siriusly Sinatra" (and I checked, it's spelled like that too). Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I live in a place where people are absolutely insistent on spelling anything that starts with an F with a Ph and it drives me up a wall. It's the one and only thing that makes me happy about the end of the baseball season is that I no longer have to hear about having the Phillies Phestival at the ballpark.

On the other hand, you may know that my convention in this blog is to use the traditional #*%! to represent swear words, but if I didn't I would definitely use a 5 letter variant of one of the more popular phour letter words.

Wrong Aid

I don't know anyone who likes the designs of the Rite Aid stores, with the aisles at weird angles and such. They've compounded the problem at the one near me by "reorganizing" the store. As best I can see, this means having all the shelves packed with stuff without your being able to find anything you want to buy. Hmm, there used to be razor blades right here and now there's toilet paper and christmas lights. And what happened to all the batteries from the battery display? It looks like someone's following a directive from some central office and giving not a thought to the customer.

The highlight of this trip was the halloween candy section. By now we're up to 75% off stuff, and it's always worth a peek to see what hasn't managed to sell even after a week of being 50% off. There's lots of gummy stuff. I've never really gotten the whole appeal of gummies. If I want something gummy I get gum. Just like if I want something chocolatey I get chocolate. I wasn't surprised to see either the Gummy Body Parts of the High School Musical Gummies left in the bin. And who thought Chocolate Skittles was a good idea?

In The Holiday Spirit

One of the most important things one has to do in this time between Halloween and Thanksgiving is to avoid eating anything pumpkin flavored. It requires constant vigilance and the attention to detail necessary to reject anything with the word "seasonal" in the description.

Philanthropy Throwdown

Tonight I'm going to see La La La Human Steps (a modern dance troupe) in the Perelman Center in the Kimmel Center. I think Perelman and Kimmel are both still alive. Do they like each other? Is it okay with Perelman having his theater inside Kimmel's center? I think these are important questions.

And the funny thing is, I probably know someone who knows the answers.

Grandfriends

It was Grandparents and Grandfriends Day today. Am I the only one puzzled by "grandfriends"? It's not in the dictionary, though it's certainly snappier than "Grandparents and Much Much Older People Who Aren't Related to You Day." Is this a common thing? I don't get out much, but I don't know anybody who has a friend more than, say, 20 years older than them. I'm around 40 years older than most of my students. Does that make me a grandfriend? (Just as an aside, I keep typing "grandfiend" by mistake) I don't have any kind of problem with the concept, I just think if I were trying to expand the potential target for an event, this wouldn't have been the first thing I picked.

Mighty Oaks Come From What?

I've pretty much lost patience talking politics with the Republican kids. If I just want to hear official Republican talking points du jour parroted I can watch Fox News. The latest topic is Acorn and voter fraud. I'll set aside the fact that the most recent people convicted of vote-related crimes are Republican operatives jamming phone lines. I'm just not convinced that it's a greater evil to allow someone to vote who shouldn't than it is to disenfranchise someone. In fact the whole democracy concept (i.e., the idea that the citizens vote for their leaders) implies that disenfranchisement is a pretty bad thing.

Obviously, if there's proof of an organized attempt by a party to consciously allow unqualified people to vote, that's another thing entirely. But so far, the only organized activity has been by parties seeking to make it difficult or impossible for qualified people to participate.

At a loss for words

What a great, great great week this has been.

Election Night

I'm going to be sitting in front of the TV with my laptop at hand. It's not as much fun as a debate drinking game (maverick!). Not sure what I'm going to do when this is over. I mean, baseball's over and that's bad enough (though the ending was sweet) but it seems like the presidential race has been going on for a very long time. I dare not get too hopeful, but maybe it'll be one more sweet ending tonight.

I voted around 11:30 and had no problems, though I was told there'd been 100 people on line at 7:15 (we have 2 machines here) and about half the ward had voted already by the time I was there. We always have pretty good turnout around here, but never 600 out of 1200 by 11AM.