Not about selflessness

I was talking with a friend of mine about smartphones and social media, and the age-old (which I think now means more than a week- did that sound too much like a cranky old man? I don't care, I'm just curious) discussion about whether it is a GOOD thing or a BAD thing. I'm of the mind that we have no flipping (easier to type than f---ing but we all know what it really means) idea. I'm quite certain that it is both in some ways, but overall there's no way to really know. There are things that will have lasting value, both positive and negative, and some that are just fads of sorts.

Among the more obvious fads is the food picture. I've managed to enjoy a lot of food in the last 60 years without ever having a picture of it. Taste sticks in my memory much better than visual images, because I receive about 2 zillion visual images coming at me every day, and only a dozen or so tastes.

Anyway, we then started talking about the need for social validation via the picture. How many likes did I get? I know, that's a broad stereotype and not everyone cares, though I know some people do.

I let it slip that I have taken exactly one selfie in my life (I've been in selfies that other people took of us, but I'm not sure that should really be called a selfie). I was on a single chairlift on the side of a mountain on the island of Capri, off the coast of Italy. For whatever reason, I wanted a picture of myself there and there wasn't anyone else available to take the picture (I'm not camera-shy. I'm one of the lucky people whose photos tend to look pretty much just like me. I'm not sure if looking good in 2 dimensions is a good thing or not, but it's what I got. I have plenty of pictures of me, just not selfies). So I took one. That being said, I can't find it- only this

Not exactly a selfie. A footsie?

Self, but not selfie

My friend expressed surprise that I had not taken selfies. They pointed out how easy it was to take and that I'd been lots of places and why not have pictures of me in those places. The easy thing, well, lots of things are easy. I'll leave it at that.

As for why I don't want those pictures, I gave it a lot of thought after the conversation (which is crazy, we talked about a lot of much more interesting things but that stuck with me for some reason. Maybe because I spend so much time with teenagers). What I eventually concluded is that when I go to a place, I like to be there. We use an easy shorthand for that now- being present. I've not studied mindfulness but one of the things I frequently remind myself (call it a mantra if you wish) is "Be where you are; do what you're doing." Everyone reading this knows how hard this can be.

So when I'm experiencing something there is not me in it. Does that make sense? When I'm standing by the Grand Canyon and marveling at it, my experience is not me at the canyon. If it is, I'm missing the point. For better or worse, I'm always here, even if I'm in Target. My presence has nothing to do with the grandness of the canyon, except in my own experience of it.

If this sounds tangled, all I mean is, when you look at something, even your food that you're taking a picture of, are you in it? Is your face there? I don't think so. For other people, my face would be there, but not for me. I can't say that I don't care what other people think (well I could but I would be lying), but taking a selfie is not experiencing, it's collecting at best (I was here) and showing off at worst (I was here!).

I think that's what's always bothered me about people taking selfies at special places. If that's all they do, they're not experiencing where they are. So let this be a test of how mindful you actually are. It's easy to say you're being present, but if you catch yourself just trying to memorialize your experience, you're not actually having the experience itself. I hope that's a fad, because otherwise I would count it as a BAD thing.