Tis the season to be annoyed

I'm annoyed at someone. And I'm annoyed at myself for being annoyed at this person. And I just wanted to let you all know that if it gets to the point where I'm annoyed with myself for getting annoyed with myself, just bury my ashes in the family plot because I will probably have spontaneously burst into flames.

I think if you made a word cloud from school that "annoyed" and "stress" would be the biggest words.

I wrote this next thing for a group of students recently because we were doing a unit on kindness. Yes, they have math teachers doing this. Go figure. Anyway, I thought it might be worth posting:

Trying to be kind without being lame

I think that one of the biggest problems that people have with thinking about being kind is that
“kind” has a connotation of weakness, the same way as “nice.” Someone called me nice to my
face on Friday and a little part of me cringed. I don’t think about being nice; I think about being a
good person. Since part of being a good person is treating others the way you want to be
treated, niceness happens without your trying.

Kindness, however, takes effort. It requires thinking about another person and considering what
would be helpful to them. I was in the supermarket today, carrying two avocados and a tomato.
As I headed toward the plastic bag dispenser, another woman, carrying pears, approached the
same bag dispenser and got there before me. She pulled a bag off and then looked up and
handed it to me. I thanked her and smiled, and it made me feel really good for several minutes
afterwards. That’s what a small act of kindness can do.

Someone in our advisory group asked me if I had a stock line when dealing with customer
service people and I think I said that I didn’t. I realized later that I do. If I carry something over
to the checkout and they ask me if I want a bag, I usually say “No, that’s okay. I got it over here
without a bag and I think I can get it out to my car without one too.” This is slightly cute and
slightly funny, but it always makes cashiers smile.

I think I know why. It’s because when they asked me if I wanted a bag I responded to them as if
they were actually speaking to me, not just reciting a line. And that’s what I do. I also take note of where they are and what they’re doing. I talk about how busy or not busy the store is. If they seem tired I ask how long they’ve been on and when their break is. We discuss the merchandise, or something that’s happening elsewhere in the store. 

Here's another example. Today a cashier at Giant routinely asked me "how are you?" and I replied "I'm annoyed at someone..." Both she and the woman behind me in line looked up at me and I continued, "...like most people, I guess." This got nods from both of them and soon the cashier was telling us how upset she is with her constantly-demanding sister and how selfish she was being and how unfair it was. I said, "You know, sometimes people just can't see outside themselves." And she looked at me and smiled and said "You're right. Thank you for that." And off I went with my adult beverages. It made my day.

What those things have in common is that I’m engaging in people's lives to some small degree. I think even customer service people prefer being treated as people and not as devices.

My point here is not to tell you all how wonderful I am. I can be a jerk sometimes just like
anyone else. My point is that sometimes all it takes to be kind to someone is to see them, listen
to them, and think for a moment what might make them smile or what would be helpful. It’s
being thoughtful. And I don’t think there’s anything lame about that.