What did you say?

I think I wrote recently about how happy I was with work, and it occurred to me later that part of what I loved about my job was that I had the opportunity to work with people who genuinely try to find the best in people. And they make a real effort at it. As with many other things, the key lies in listening.

I know that I've gone on about this before, but listening is the worst-taught, least appreciated of all the essential life skills. Are you a good listener? Here's a quick test. When you're having a conversation and the other person is talking, are you thinking about what you're going to say next? If you are, you're not completely listening. To see it happen in others, tell them about a vacation you took someplace you know they've been. See if they can keep from talking about when they were there.

Real listening requires momentarily clearing your mind and being focused solely on what the other person is saying. You can reinforce this by using what are known as active listening techniques. This involves playing back to another person what they said, as in, "I think I heard you say ____," followed either "am I right?" Or another question. In the psychotherapy version of this, the other person is supposed to thank you for listening.

This is a great think in a therapy session, but on the cumbersome side for more typical, "wanna go to Wawa?" kinds of conversation, so I suggest saving it for more intense topics. But the principle of listening always applies. It's amazing what you can learn about someone else when you're paying attention to them.

It comes in really handy as a teacher. I recently asked a question to a class and the kid who got called on clearly knew in some sense what the answer was, but was unable to articulate it in a coherent way. I can hazard a guess that this inability is a handicap to this student's ability to succeed. So what I really need to teach them is not how does one graph a quadratic equation, but how do they understand the process in a way that makes sense. Because again, and this is just a hunch, an inability to articulate something correlates to an inability to demonstrate mastery. 

So based on a two minute interchange where I said practically nothing, I now know where to focus my effort with this student. It doesn't mean I'll succeed, but at least I'll know what I'm trying to succeed at. For me, this is exhilarating and is another big part of why I love my job.