Thank you for not helping

I was in Acme today and every time I paused or hesitated somewhere, an Acme employee was right on the spot asking me if I needed help.

I found this extremely irritating. I've been shopping at Acme for 20 years and throughout that time, the one constant has been their awful customer service. The checkout lines were always long and slow, and it was clear that nobody there had any interest in getting customers out of the store efficiently. Nobody smiled and certainly nobody ever offered to help. I've grown comfortable with this arrangement, and since they put in the self-service cashier I almost never have contact with an employee.

Over the years, I've become proud of my self-sufficiency and the last thing I expect when I step in the store is assistance. I just want to tell them, damgummit I can do it myself. I'm not a hillbilly so I don't, but I am tempted to wear a t-shirt that says "I Know What I'm Doing. Just Leave Me Alone."