Finally catching up on pop culture

Just by chance, as in when I walked back in from the ballgame, I had the opportunity to watch a part of one of the Twilight movies, something I had been studiously avoiding because I'm not a teenage girl. I'm not sure which one. It had vampires in it but they can go outside during the day and act pretty much like everyone else. And big dogs that appeared to be vaguely 2-dimensional. And dialogue that was absolutely spectacular in its dullness. Even having low expectations because I'd heard the books were terribly written, I couldn't believe how lifeless (and I don't mean like the undead) and boring everyone was.

There's a heavily moussed guy, Edward, who is earnest and introspective and never says anything interesting. There's another guy, Jacob, who doesn't wear a shirt and is in lots of scenes where he does nothing but talk to the girl, Bella, about how she ought to be with him instead of Edward. I keep waiting her for her to say, "You never talk about anything else, so I have no choice but to assume that if I decide to be with you that you will have nothing whatsoever to say." But she loves him too, of course.

I gather that dullness is part of the atmosphere in which the story takes place. Bella lives in a dull town with dull people and dull things that are not exactly people. So first you create a boring place and populate it with creatures who say nothing but boring things. There was a battle where one group of vampires defeats another with the help of the dogs, who of course can't be attacked because they're only two dimensional. The battle consists entirely of people running toward each other and throwing each other around.

I know that I'm being kind of disingenuous here and making fun of an easy target. I just couldn't believe how easy a target it was. Wow, I can hardly wait for the next sequel.