Parenting (Updated)

My lack of anonymity here often prevents me from discussing in detail anything about my family, but I did want to make some general observations as one who deals with teenagers both as a teacher and parent.

First off, the hardest thing for me to balance is how to set rules and limits and guidelines without totally alienating said teenagers, whether in a class or at home. It's not hard to clamp down on someone, and it's certainly to keep lines of communication open, but it's hard to do both at the same time.

The key, I think is listening. Listening is a skill that is highly underrated for almost any job or activity having to do with people, and it's important not to take it for granted. I know I've ranted from time to time about how I don't think multitasking is good for you, but the absolute worst time to be thinking and doing something else is when someone is talking to you. As both a teacher and a parent, part of my job is to be a mind reader, and mind reading is hard enough if you are listening. I submit that it's impossible to do so if you're not. More on this later.

Second, no matter what you think of yourself, you have to get out of your head the idea of being a "cool parent." There is no such thing. No matter how good your fashion sense, skills, taste in music, physical coordination or knowledge about pop culture, when it comes right down to it cool people do not make and enforce rules. They don't create consequences for misbehavior, in fact, ignoring misbehavior is part of what cool is, and it's antithetical to a parent's duty. Baby boomers such as myself, who grew up in an era when it was of utmost importance to be cool, have to get over this and it's hard. You can be a cool person without being a cool parent.

Update
My colleagues pointed out that it is possible that your kids will refer to you as a cool parent once they emerge from their adolescent purgatory.

On a slightly related note, on Degrassi yesterday, one of the kids was bemoaning how "These are supposed to be the best days of my life.." and my wife and I both snorted and shouted back at the screen (and my daughter) "These are not the best years of your life. They're the hardest and possible the worst. So it cuts both ways.